There are only a few times in my life when I can remember experiencing deep grief and loss. When my beloved cat of 11 years, Christie, disappeared after we moved to a new home. When I have started life inside a woman, who chose not to let it grow. When I left the woman I love more than anyone I have loved before.
The sadness overwhelms me. The feeling inside my body is both painful and empty. I choke out faint, desperate no's, and cry tears of deep sorrow. It seems like it will never end. It feels unbearable and hopeless. But I do not give up. My pain is my guide. My pain is my truth, and my truth will lead to my joy. I trust this.
The power that comes with this despair is great. And I am grateful for the life that has taught me what to do with it - to follow this pain, to find my yes. My yes to life. My yes to what is most important to me. My yes to what I cannot live without.
One day I will make a baby with a woman. I will work with this woman. I will play with this woman. I will create family and community with this woman. We will live out our dream of being and modelling empathy and co-creativity. We will honour the earth and live a life that reflects our values for the care and well being of people and our planet.
I do not know where this will be. I do not know how it will happen. I do not know who it will be with. But I know this. I will live this dream. It is the purpose that guides my life. It is what I was born to do.
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