Down to Business!!!

Ah Life!

What a journey! I am back to simple. No job, no money, and in one week, no home.

I have been here before, so I know it is all going to work out. But it is a little stressful right now.

The beautiful part is that my life is wide open. My only commitment is a dance performance in Nelson on May 20th. And then I am free to follow my heart into whatever magic it is called.

Funny thing is, I am thinking of starting a business. Fifteen years ago I received a Bachelor of Commerce. Yes that is right, a business degree. After that, I got pretty turned off the business world with its greed, oppression, and destructive bottom lines. That is not the way it has to be, but that is what I saw. Seeing this unconsciousness growing in me, I pushed it away. Since then I have travelled the world, found my spiritual path, lived in community, and learned a whole lot more about how I can contribute to life in a meaningful way. 

Now after being on a path of building community, being in service, connecting with my creativity, and learning skills to facilitate mine and others growth and well being, I am finding myself looking for a business idea. Starting a business does not mean I have to give up all these things. On the contrary, now I see a business as a great place to apply all of these skills. Whatever business I start is going to be aligned with my values for living consciously, personally, socially, and environmentally.

And, I see this business as a way to generate the resources that will support me to be a father, live in community, and offer my passion for empathy-based co-creativity. I have no idea what this business is going to be. But I am sending out a clear message to the spirit: I am ready to manifest ease and abundance financially.

So here it comes! I am not sure what it will look like. I trust it will be beautiful!

Despair and Purpose

There are only a few times in my life when I can remember experiencing deep grief and loss. When my beloved cat of 11 years, Christie, disappeared after we moved to a new home. When I have started life inside a woman, who chose not to let it grow. When I left the woman I love more than anyone I have loved before.

The sadness overwhelms me. The feeling inside my body is both painful and empty. I choke out faint, desperate no's, and cry  tears of deep sorrow. It seems like it will never end. It feels unbearable and hopeless. But I do not give up. My pain is my guide. My pain is my truth, and my truth will lead to my joy. I trust this.

The power that comes with this despair is great. And I am grateful for the life that has taught me what to do with it - to follow this pain, to find my yes. My yes to life. My yes to what is most important to me. My yes to what I cannot live without.

One day I will make a baby with a woman. I will work with this woman. I will play with this woman. I will create family and community with this woman. We will live out our dream of being and modelling empathy and co-creativity. We will honour the earth and live a life that reflects our values for the care and well being of people and our planet.

I do not know where this will be. I do not know how it will happen. I do not know who it will be with. But I know this. I will live this dream. It is the purpose that guides my life. It is what I was born to do.

Laminer Flow

I just finished performing three shows in two days with 14 people. I love performing. When I get out there under the stage lights I fall into a trance, a deep current, life's laminer flow.

My friend Lars told me about the laminer flow. One time he launched himself off of massive waterfall in a tiny boat that few people have ever run. It's dangerous. There's a big hole at the bottom of the waterfall. That means a swirling pocket of water that keeps you trapped underneath.

The laminer flow is the vein of water that runs strongest and smoothest. When you're in your boat you can dig your paddle down into the laminer flow and catch some current to hurry your boat along. If you flip out of your boat and get stuck in a hole, you can reach out a hand for the laminer flow feel for a way out.

This particular hole at the bottom of the waterfall was much less forgiving because there wasn't much flow out. It mostly just held you down and went around and around. Lars enjoys the thrill of perilous adventure that demands his full presence and power.

Even now at 62 he's still telemarking through mountains and riding boats through whitewater. And he was up on stage dancing with us while I was catching laminar flow. He was probably catching it too. Things gets done easily and quickly in the flow. That current of life carries me on stage. My being feels alive, alert, and clear.

Thankfully I'm feeling much more clear in general these days. It was one of the most heart breaking experiences of my life to realize that I'm not able to be with Bernice right now. I got some advice that said, listen to your heart. If the pain you feel at the thought of staying outways the feeling of positive potential then it's time to go.

Bernice is a goddess, there's no doubt about that. But I have a clear vision about how I want conflict handled in relationship. And it wasn't happening the way I want it to. It's my path. I trust this.

I still haven't moved all my stuff out. Rosy, Bernice(who was also in the performance)'s youngest daughter, came and sat on my lap in the dressing room after the show. I'm gonna miss how much she plays and cuddles with me. It's taken me a while to admit this to myself - I need to let go of being a member of their family. I love the Raabis', all of them, they are all beautiful people. And it's time to clear my stuff out of their house.

Whoa! Blank slate! Now what am I going to do?

My Response

I couldn't resist!

If you want to change the world… LOVE a man

A response by Michael Sheely

If you want to change the world… love a man - really love him.

Find the one you can’t bear to be without, the one whose breath fills your body with life.

The one you are afraid to love so deeply.

You who he has held for millennia, lifting you with him, off the earth, into the endless possibilities of light.

When you want to run,

From fear, from grief,

Stop. Turn around. Open your eyes.

See him, see his beauty, and all he creates for you.

This man is perfect – like the sun, the moon, the stars,

The infinite sky, the endless cosmic tapestry,

Every speck of dust, every mountain, every bone, every drop of blood…

He is the echo of footsteps, the beating of the drum, the call to action, the movement of life,

For all the choices you are afraid to make, for the answers you don’t have, for the strength you can’t find,

Turn to him.

If you do not trust his being, you have not seen the light of his endless fire of love.

If you want to change the world… love a man

Not for what you can get, for what you cannot ever own

See his glory, see his power, see how much he holds,

Give up the fight to make him what you want,

Fight instead for his commitment to truth.

You will not find him in casual seductions that distract you from your pain.

Your heart will not be filled by more and more men.

Your heart will be filled by God,

If you cannot see God,

Run,

But if you are ready to let yourself believe that seeing God is a choice,

Not just sometimes, always,

Open your eyes,

And let your fear consume itself,

Let it eat your insides out,

Until all that’s left is faith.

If you want to change the world… love a man.

Love him like there is nothing else to love.

He is ancestor. He is unborn child.

Every boy must grow to become a man,

But not every father knows

How to teach the secrets of God,

Are you willing to forgive?

Are you willing live each moment new?

Are you ready to give your heart’s devotion?

Not just with words, are you ready to walk?

The journey of man is a healing path,

Stand up and take his hand.

He needs you.

If you want to change the world… love a man

You shaming him will not get you what you want

Your blame will not change your responsibility to yourself

Let go of judging

See with new eyes the precious man beside you

See the heart, soul, mind, and body

Only with this whole vision can you see the sacred gift.

Let go of stories

Trust what is

Forget your belief that you deserve more, that you are somehow better,

See through fear, stop demanding what is not given

Let go of who you think he is, and see the man in who is there.

Ask him how he feels,

Ask him what he wants,

Listen.

Your compassion can be the gift that

That lifts him back into his light.

If you want to change the world… love a man

Love him through his anger, his shame, his grief

He has suffered his own violence for generations

Be there for him

Hold your arms out and embrace him

You cannot change the world by denying what is

And if you are not prepared to look, then leave.

This is not the place for you.

If you are not ready to see man,

If you are not ready to know sacred masculine,

Turn back to where ever you came from

Start again

Because you cannot live without him.

Don’t come to him half way

Don’t come to him with conditions

Don’t come to him if you are not ready to let paranoia die

Your past pain must find its peace with the past

Victimhood must end

That time is over

Step into your power

God smiles on those who claim their lives.

What if love is the dream that has been forgotten?

What if what you hold is only half of what you want?

Are you willing to open all the way,

To let him in, are you willing to share the beauty of the Masculine?

I you want to change the world… love a man

Follow your pain to the depths of your heart

It is only there that you can know the fullness of love

When at last you settle into you own deepest truth

You ideas will fall away

You will see God

There will be great light, a magic that can only be found in the honest vulnerability of love,

A magic so profound it has no limits,

A gift so immense it never ends.

Allow yourself to surrender, to remember

The infinite realm of sacred, divine union.

What a journey this is!